Editor’s Note: This week, Peter unleashes on Elon Musk and his latest unmitigated disaster. In On The Table, Porsche unveils the “Mission S,” a vision of Porsche’s future, which includes a mid-engine car positioned above the 911 that will have a permanent place in the company’s product portfolio. Our video this week is about the 1958 12 Hours of Sebring, revealing just how different racing was back then. Our AE Song of the Week is “The Flame” by Cheap Trick. In Fumes, Peter unveils a new series, “The Racers.” And finally, in The Line, with F1 and MotoGP off this weekend, we present “October In Racing History” courtesy of our friends at Sports Car Digest. Remember, you can read past issues by scrolling down and clicking on “Next 1 Entries.” We’re on it! -WG
By Peter M. DeLorenzo
Detroit.
Welcome back, my friends To the show that never ends We’re so glad you could attend Come inside! Come inside There behind a glass Stands a real blade of grass Be careful as you pass Move along! Move along Come inside, the show’s about to start Guaranteed to blow your head apart Rest assured you’ll get your money’s worth The greatest show in Heaven, Hell, or Earth
“Karn Evil 9” by Emerson, Lake & Palmer, from the album “Brain Salad Surgery” (1973)
Knowing Elon Musk was sniffing around his vaunted “roadster” project again was a bad sign. It was depressing, in fact. The “Smoke-and-Mirrors” addict was sure to come up with a “show” promising something implausible and yet insist it was real, because that’s just who he is. Which brought to mind the famous Emerson, Lake & Palmer song, “Karn Evil 9.” But then, what else can you expect from a guy who constantly lives in his head, mining a kaleidoscope of hype, boasts, self-absorbed malicious intent and fantasy?
The news of the “roadster” intro meant that the attention-span-challenged “smartest guy in the room” had turned his attention back to cars for like, five minutes, and the long-rumored project, which was a decade in the making, finally broke cover last week. And true to form, it was a typical Muskian fiasco, meaning it was comprised of spectacular, non-sensical hype, wildly ridiculous promises and enough unmitigated bullshit to last a lifetime. Come to think of it, that describes the cringeworthy Billionaire Overlord to a “T.”
On his way to dumping $150,000,000 into the Texas senate race on a whim in order to prop up an incompetent fraudster, Musk found time to launch his “roadster” to a crowd of bootlicking partisans, who were foaming at the mouth over the opportunity to bask in Musk’s brilliance. And frankly, it was a disgusting display, produced by a combination of the Best and the Brightest (allegedly) minions of SpaceX and Tesla, with the “Flying Car” hype being the centerpiece of the show, though it doesn’t have even a remote chance in hell of ever seeing the light of day. Flying cars, Elon? Yeah, right.
The promises? Oh boy, I can hardly wait to share them with you.
The topline “roadster” model is dubbed the “Rocket,” which is to be outfitted with “a full flight system” and will be invite-only. (Remember, this is the same guy who promised “Full Self Driving,” which has landed his company permanently ensconced in court due to the flat-out lies promised with that system.) And get this: The one-seat vehicle is not currently approved for public-road use. Oh, really? No shit. Again, it’s yet another example of Musk hubris on a grand scale.
The less advanced “Performance” version is a two-seater without the optional thrusters, but is described as “road-ready,” while a “Thrust” version is described as “race-ready.” Again, if you think these cars will actually see the light of day, I will be your next president.
In case you’re wondering: The Thrust and Rocket versions of the “roadster” contain “cold-gas thrusters,” small rockets that release gas to add juice to the acceleration capability. These two models are either invite-only or “limited release.” All Roadsters have a fan-suction system that makes downforce at high speeds. “This car really sucks,” said Musk, reaffirming his status as the consummate D-Bag.
And then there are the alleged performance numbers. Again, a reminder, these numbers are nothing more than Gulp Fiction.
The Thrust version of the “roadster” is allegedly supposed to hit 60 mph in less than one second, with a top speed of 230 mph. Tesla operatives say that the
Base “roadster” can do 0-60 mph in 1.6 seconds.
Now, here’s the comical part, because with Musk there’s always a comical part: Musk promised his adoring minions that the “roadster” would begin production in 2028, “actually, for real” as he put it. I could hear the guffaws from knowledgeable industry people all around the world over that one. There is no way in hell that even the base version of the “roadster” will see the light of day before 2030, and even that is a wild-ass stretch. Why? Because Musk really doesn’t give a shit about it; he’s only interested in building his legions of robots. The “roadster” is Musk’s “Side Show Bob” in the overall scheme of his attention-span-challenged mind. And like that certain clown living at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, he’s only interested in “the show,” and I can assure you he’s already moved on from this whole thing.
And finally: I pity the fools putting down deposits of $250,000 on the “roadster.” These people have taken the concept of being “the biggest tools in the shed” to new heights. The fact that there are allegedly smart and rich people out there buying Musk’s bullshit is depressing and unfathomable.
One car company smiling smugly after Musk’s “show”? Porsche. The German car company’s operatives have to be grinning ear-to-ear. After all, it’s a real car company that not only promises great cars but builds them. Albeit incredibly pricey and with unbridled greed baked in, but with no smoke and mirrors as part of the equation. (See this week’s “On The Table” – WG)
I could write more about this unmitigated disaster called the “roadster,” but I’m not going to bother. Musk is nothing more than a grifter on a grand scale, someone who moves in whims and malignant shouts, leaving nothing but chaos in his wake. (DOGE anyone?) He’s the perfect bad guy for this dismal chapter in our nation’s history: morally bankrupt, maliciously self-absorbed and confident that only he has the answers for The Future.
Heaven help us.
And that’s the High-Octane Truth for this week.
Editor’s Note: Click on “Next 1 Entries” at the bottom of this page to see previous issues. – WG